For as worthless as the NBA regular season is, I do enjoy the playoffs. Probably because they always coincide with the end of the school semester and the start of summer.
Here are my picks for the first round:
The East (or, the "special kids league")
Celtics v. Hawks -- Boston could win this by playing the Red Sox infield as their starting lineup. Boston in 4.
Pistons v. 76ers -- It's funny. Here in Philly, folks are saying (all wistfully) if the 76ers split the first two games, who knows what will happen? Um, I do. The Pistons will get serious around about game 4, Rasheed will stop whining long enough to hit his ridiculous big man 3 pointers, and they will win in 6. Sorry, Philly. No chance!
Magic v. Raptors -- I don't know anything about these two teams. But basketball should not be played in Canada, so I pick the Magic. Also, their mascot is a wizard, I think. A real one, not some fruity hack like the Washington Wizards mascot. Magic in 5.
Cavs v. Wizard -- Really, these two teams again? I don't really know the Cavs anymore since they exchanged their entire team with Chicago mid-season, but after an extremely boring 7 games I guess the Cavs will eke it out on account of Lebron, who is powered by sweet and delicious Sprite (also, has many illegitimate children!). Cavs in 7.
The West
Lakers v. Nuggets -- Apparently getting Spain's best bullfighter to play center for them has turned the Lakers into a superpower, and Kobe seems to be getting over his stripper-to-call-on-in-every-city phase. Allen Iverson still struggles to be a thug in Denver. I heard he shops at Whole Foods now. Lakers in 5.
Hornets v. Mavs -- Who the eff are the Hornets? Am I in middle school again? I say the Mavs will self-destruct because that's what they always do and Dirk is no Rasheed when it comes to whining. The Hornets, like me, will be consistently confused about Jason Kidd's race, but unlike me, they'll make peace with not knowing and overcome the Mavs in 6 games.
Spurs v. Suns -- Being married to all those Desperate Housewives has prematurely aged the Spurs. Getting Shaq to play center has freed Amare Stoudemare to play a special brand of angry-man-basketball that I know for a fact gets results. Also, Manu Ginobili is getting bald, and rooting for South American players is so 2006. Suns in 7.
Jazz v. Rockets -- The Rockets have turned choking in the first round into an art form. Only if Yao Ming gets fitted with a new bionic foot and reappears as his Chinese Superhero alter-ego can the Rockets overcome. Too bad for them he is saving himself to play for China's team in the Olympics. Jazz in 5.
